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Please Help Us With The 2009 FAILgate Project [Duan!]

Football season is upon us, which means that thousands of angry, horny, feisty pretend fans will converge upon this great nation’s red cup-littered parking lots to participate in traditional tailgating revelry. We do not want those stories.

Not at all.

• I do not want to hear about the tricked out party bus you fashioned out of an ice cream truck and painted blue and red for your beloved Buffalo Bills.

• I do not want to hear about how your uncle’s truck has a thirty-foot smoker attached to the hitch to he drags to each Texas Tech game to smoke a live pig.

• I don’t want to hear about corn-holing — unless there’s a unique angle to it and/or someone gets hospitalized.

So, to sum up, no obvious stuff you’ll see every dopey local low-level sports anchor in America run out to the parking lot to shoot before every college/pro game.

Your stories should include fighting, vomiting, arrests, blood, heads dunked in chili pots, naked people and other bodily functions that may or may not be covered in the above restrictions. You know — stuff that’s only fun to share with your friends or on YouTube under an anonymous name.

Photos/video evidence are not required but encouraged. We plan to run these every Friday afternoon. If you’d like credit, I’ll be happy to add it.

Email me with any questions, concerns, or stories.

SUBJECT: FAILgate.

At the end of the season, the winning — or, rather, most popular — submission will be rewarded a Deadspin prize pack. God knows what’s in that.

*****

Thanks for your continued support of Deadspin. Carry on, wayward sons.

MMA Fighter’s Tats Are Ultimately Offensive [MMA]

How does swastika-betatted MMA fighter Toni Valtonen work up the proper level of anger toward his opponents in the ring? Probably by visualizing them in yarmulkes, stealing his money.

Valtonen, a Finn, rocks a swastika tattoo on his shoulder and the phrase “White Pride” across his back, because, you see, when he was young and foolish (or so he claims), he didn’t much care for minorities. Only no one in the States knew it, because pesky league officials required Valtonen to cover the tattoos with patches (pinkos)! But that all changed when those patches fell off during a recent HDNet fight, exposing to the world — in high-def, no less — how Valtonen really feels about all those other races. Oops!

MMA Fighter Toni Valtonen Has Swastika, ‘White Pride’ Tattoos [Fanhouse]

Options Market Gives Sports Teams An Exciting New Way To Rip You Off [Money]

Scalping tickets is a pain in the butt, but what if we could take the simple, rational investment principles of the modern stock market and bring them to the ticket resale market? You’ll need to start by grabbing your ankles.

A new company called OptionIT is developing a system of ticket “options” where fans don’t buy tickets, they buy the option to buy those tickets. And they, in turn, can buy and sell those options many times over. When the ticket actually goes on sale, the person who owns the option gets the guaranteed right to buy the ticket at face value, plus whatever they paid for the option.

But here’s the kicker—every time the option gets sold, the team issuing the ticket option gets a cut. So let’s say for example, I want to go to the NFC Championship Game next January, since the Lions will be hosting it at Ford Field. The Lions could start selling “options” now, for say $10 a piece. (Every option will be backed up by an actual ticket in the future.) So Drew buys the option for $10, then sells it to Tommy for $15. Tommy sells it to Nash for $30, who sells it to A.J. for $50, then in December, I buy it from A.J. for $75. When the tickets actually go on sale, I now have the guaranteed right to buy the ticket at face value from the Lions … who already made 8.5% on each of the previous five transactions. (It’s actually a 17% fee, paid by both buyer and seller and split between the team and OptionIt.) And if I don’t exercise the option in time, the Lions simply sell the ticket to someone else and keep the difference.

If that sounds suspiciously like scalping, that’s because it is. The difference is that teams are now scalping their own tickets and promising that you won’t have to argue about section numbers with some scary looking guy on the corner five minutes before kickoff. Why should he get all that money when it could go straight to the Lions?

Someone obviously figured out that stock brokers are simply street hustlers in better suits and that maybe giant corporations that sell $8 beers need a new revenue stream to rape their customers with. Everybody wins! Except you!

So the future of sports will the present of Wall Street. That dude in Denver who wears a barrel for clothes is just ahead of the curve.

An innovative approach to selling NFL (including Vikings) tickets [Rand Ball]

Erin Andrews returns Thursday night. (Try to behave yourselves)

After a month-and-a-half out of the spotlight, wounded and patron saint of blog hits Erin Andrews has done the Oprah thing, which you may watch in all its weepy yet empowering glory when it hits airwaves next Tuesday. (Of course you’ll be watching anyway; just a head’s up.) More importantly for our purposes, though, E.A. will be making her triumphant return to the sideline for Thursday night’s N.C. State-South Carolina kickoff, her first live appearance since the infamous peephole video raced around the Web last month:

Andrews will be reporting from the sidelines Thursday when ESPN televises the college football season opener between South Carolina and host N.C. State. She last appeared on the network as part of its ESPY Awards broadcast July 19. Network officials, who will accompany her to N.C. State, said she had a scheduled vacation through September and was not off the air because of the taping incident.

It seems safe to say that she would have been off the air no matter what she had scheduled following the uproar over the ultimate invasion of her privacy — some of which amplified that invasion — if only because she was being hounded by paparazzi. (Entertainment Tonight was denied credentials to cover her return.) But also because, frankly, watching her is going to make a lot of regular viewers feel a little bit creepy. The once-harmless leering at home seems destined to be either replaced by or at least dripping with awkwardness and minor guilt from anyone who ever acknowledged her attractiveness. Players will keep their distance. Lighthearted banter with the guys in the booth is going to seem a little forced no matter how smoothly it comes off; when she chases after coaches for a halftime interview, there will be a little voice wondering, "Do you think he saw the video?" Because deep down, her colleagues are not appreciably different than the leering jerks at home — no doubt they’ve looked, brushed, fantasized, possibly commented in some way, because there are no known exceptions to this pathological male behavior. Still, a large part of Andrews’ appeal as a sex symbol was always that she wasn’t actually a sex symbol at all, not really, and the fact that she was made into one in such a ghastly, illegal way, against her will, is going to make her charming girl-next-door persona a nonstarter for many, many viewers.

Or that’s the first quarter, anyway. With any luck, Andrews’ underrated professionalism will carry the day and a relieved audience can shelve its chauvinism with minimal squirming. But it’s liable to be a quiet little psychodrama there for a few minutes.

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Yates replacing Labonte because of sponsorship issues

CHARLOTTE, N.C. (AP) — Former NASCAR champion Bobby Labonte won’t race this weekend at Atlanta Motor Speedway, his best track, because of sponsorship issues at Yates Racing. The team had seven races to sell this season for the No. 96 Ford, and the sponsorship it secured wanted Erik Darnell in the car. The 26-year-old will make his Sprint Cup Series debut at Atlanta, where Labonte has six career victories. “This is not about Bobby; it’s about making sure we have funding for these races,” Yates co-owner Max Jones said Monday. “If it was about Bobby, I would have just put Erik in the car for the rest of the year. That was hard to convey to Bobby. “But we have this opportunity to get Erik some races, and that’s the business part of this sport. It’s challenging.” Academy Sports & Outdoors will sponsor Darnell for three races, at Atlanta, Talladega and Texas. Northern Tool + Equipment, who sponsored him last season in the Truck Series, will be on the car at New Hampshire and Kansas. Sponsorship for the other two races Darnell is slated to run was not announced. Jones said Labonte did not take the decision well. “I wouldn’t have either if I was him,” Jones said. “He’s a class act, he’s a professional. I had to explain my side, why I was doing it, and he wasn’t happy about it. But he understood, and I respect that.” Labonte, the 2000 series champion, left Petty Enterprises last season because he was unsure of its long-term stability. He put together a late deal with Hall of Fame Racing, the team owned by San Diego Padres owner Jeff Moorad and president Tom Garfinkel. Garfinkel and Moorad were able to land a sponsorship deal with Ask.com, one of the only new companies to enter NASCAR since last fall’s economic collapse, and then partnered with Yates Racing for equipment and technical support. The Ask.com deal is a one-year deal and covered only 29 of the 36 races. Jones worked hard to fill the car, but ultimately was able to sell the potential in Darnell over the history of Labonte. Labonte, who is 45, is in the midst of his sixth winless season. He’s 30th in the standings with one top-10 finish this season. Teammate Paul Menard is 32nd in the points with no top-10 finishes. He has full sponsorship from his family’s Midwest-based hardware chain. The team also fielded a car for Travis Kvapil for four races but stopped when no sponsorship was found. Labonte will return to the car at Richmond, Dover, Fontana, Charlotte and Martinsville. “This is a move that will be beneficial to Yates Racing surviving this difficult economic time,” he said in a statement. “Of course, I’m disappointed that the sponsorship environment is so challenging right now, but I intend to make the most out of the remaining races that I’m behind the wheel.” Yates Racing is the sister team to powerhouse Roush Fenway Racing, and Jones said he doesn’t expect Hall of Fame to be back under the umbrella in 2010. So he’s had to approach future planning with a long-range view, which could include Darnell. Stuck in the RFR development program because sponsorship issues and lack of available seats have slowed his progression, Jones said Darnell has earned this opportunity. He finished fourth in last year’s Truck series, where he has two career wins. He’s raced in just 10 of 25 Nationwide Series races this season, but has five top-10 finishes. Jones worked at Roush Fenway when Darnell won a seat in its development program. “He deserves this opportunity. He’s a really talented race car driver,” Jones said. “It’s taken a lot of guys a long time to move up because of the funding issues, and the opportunities aren’t there anymore. Five or six or eight years ago, you could jump from Trucks to Cup. “Then everything came to a screeching halt a few years ago.” Although Labonte has not been ruled out for a Yates ride in 2010, Jones said Darnell is in the mix, as is current Roush driver Jamie McMurray. McMurray is in the final year of his contract with RFR, which must cut down from five to four cars at the end of this season. The organization would like to keep McMurray by moving him to the Yates side of the team but lacks the funding to offer him a contract. “We still have that opportunity out there to keep Jamie, but we have to find something and right now he’s exploring his options,” Jones said. “We’d love him to be here. We’d love to be a three- or four-car team, but you have to find someone to pay for it.” Copyright 2009 Associated Press. All rights reserved. This material may not be published, broadcast, rewritten, or redistributed.

Report: Favre thinks he has cracked rib (AP)

HOUSTON (AP)—Vikings quarterback Brett Favre(notes) says he might have a cracked rib.
Favre told ESPN before Monday night’s game at Houston that he hasn’t
received an official diagnosis but that taking a deep breath caused him some
discomfort. He also doesn’t plan to wear any kind of special padding, saying
“the damage is done.”

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Vandy names sophomore Smith starting QB

NASHVILLE, Tenn. (AP) — Vanderbilt coach Bobby Johnson went with youth over experience for his starting quarterback Monday. Johnson announced redshirt sophomore Larry Smith is his starter, beating out senior Mackenzi Adams and redshirt junior Jared Funk. Smith started the Commodores’ historic Music City Bowl win last December and is a former Alabama Mr. Football who led his high school team to a state title. “All the time you do think of the future, but your big charge now is to win Saturday’s game,” Johnson said at his weekly news conference. “That’s all we’re concerned about. We’re not playing for 2010, 2011. We’re trying to have a big year this year. So our top charge is to try to get the player in there who’s going to help us win games this year.” The Commodores love Smith’s strong arm and his poise under pressure. Smith appeared in two games last season and was 19-of-34 for 167 yards with one touchdown and one interception. That arm is what Johnson wants for an offense that must improve on 2008 when the Dores ranked 117th out of 119 Football Bowl Subdivision teams in total offense. “We’re going to try to move the ball, throw the ball downfield a little bit more than we have the last couple years. Larry also has a presence in the pocket. I think he sees the field very well and knows what we’re trying to do with the offense. He’s also used to winning a bunch of games,” Johnson said. Smith led Prattville High to a state title as a senior when he was Alabama’s Mr. Football in all classes. A three-year starter, Smith led Prattville to a 39-2 record and set school records by throwing for 6,011 yards and 54 touchdowns. Better still, Smith never lost a regular-season game in high school. “The best way to develop it is to get him in the game,” Johnson said. The Commodores open the season Saturday night at home against Western Carolina, eager to pick up where they left off 2008. That was with a bowl victory that was the school’s first in 53 years and capped the first winning season since 1982 at 7-6. “We want the higher expectations,” defensive captain and linebacker Patrick Benoist said. “We have high expectations for ourselves. I think it’s great. We’re in a great position right now. Just take it one step at a time. Western Carolina is the first step.” Improvement offensively will be key for Vandy to improve over 2008 after averaging an anemic 256.2 yards offense per game, much less than the 319.6 yards given up by the defense. Adams played in all 12 games last year but had more interceptions (eight) than TD passes (five). Center Bradley Vierling said Smith is one of the most confident and calm players he’s ever seen in the huddle. “I’ve never been around a guy that’s that young and really calm and collected in the huddle. It’s always good when you can listen to a guy who’s just focused and ready to go. A great quarterback, very strong arm, he did a lot of big things in high school, and hopefully he can bring some greatness here,” Vierling said. Copyright 2009 Associated Press. All rights reserved. This material may not be published, broadcast, rewritten, or redistributed.

Bankruptcy judge for Tribune considers Cubs sale

WILMINGTON, Del. (AP) — A Delaware bankruptcy judge on Monday approved Tribune Co.’s request for quick court action on the company’s planned sale of the Chicago Cubs. The family of billionaire Joe Ricketts, founder of TD Ameritrade, has agreed to buy a 95 percent stake in the team and its Wrigley Field home for $845 million, but the deal must be approved by the bankruptcy court, as well as Major League Baseball. Judge Kevin Carey approved Tribune attorneys’ proposals regarding notification to interested parties, including creditors of both the Tribune and the Cubs. The process approved by the judge calls for any objections to be filed by Sept. 17, followed by a Sept. 24 court hearing on Tribune’s motion for court approval of the deal. Carey also approved break-up fees ranging from $5 million to $20 million to be paid if it falls through. The plan filed by Tribune attorneys calls for a separate bankruptcy filing by Chicago National League Ball Club, a Tribune affiliate that is not involved in the company’s Chapter 11 case. That filing would come after Carey approves the sale as part of Tribune’s bankruptcy reorganization and escrow financing documents are in place. Tribune attorneys said the filing by CNLBC is needed to ensure that Tribune obtains the necessary court approval for its obligations, that the Cubs’ assets are transferred free and clear of all liens and claims, and that contracts to which either Tribune or CNLBC is a party can be assumed and assigned to the new owner. “It’s a very important transaction for the debtors and its creditors,” Tribune attorney Bryan Krakauer told Carey. Tribune attorneys anticipate that CNLBC’s bankruptcy would last no more than two or three days, and suggest that any longer period would not be acceptable to the Ricketts family or lenders, and could have a detrimental effect on the Cubs, especially regarding player contract negotiations and sponsorship agreements. “Potential sponsors will doubtless be reluctant to direct their advertising spending towards an entity in Chapter 11, regardless of the assurances that are provided about that process,” Tribune attorneys wrote in a court filing. Tribune attorneys assert in court papers that the sale to the Ricketts family is the result of a painstaking search for a buyer that began more than two years ago and represents “one of the most extensive marketing processes for a business presented to a bankruptcy court.” As such, they argue, it should not be subject to a further search or a bankruptcy auction. Any auction process will likely result in expiration of deadlines and potentially oblige Tribune to pay a breakup fee, they warned. Krakauer noted, for example, that if court approval of the deal is not obtained by Nov. 6, Tribune would owe $5 million to the Ricketts family. While approving the proposed sale process, Carey expressed concern about Tribune’s assertion that no auction for the Cubs is needed. At the same time, Carey said he was not “looking askance” at the deal, but merely ensuring due process. Regarding an alternative offer for the Cubs being submitted, Carey said that scenario was unlikely, given the circumstances, but that “you never say never in this court.” While acknowledging the unusual circumstances surrounding the Cubs sale, David LeMay, an attorney for Tribune’s committee of unsecured creditors, said the committee is satisfied with the process and the proposed sale. “The timing of the transaction … at least did leave us with the ability to know that every tire had been kicked, every stone had been turned over,” he told the judge. Copyright 2009 Associated Press. All rights reserved. This material may not be published, broadcast, rewritten, or redistributed.

intrams 42

markdelvillar…Finally has a pro account posted a photo:

intrams 38

markdelvillar…Finally has a pro account posted a photo:

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